What Is My "Alive"?

Rise Against has this song called Black Masks And Gasoline with the lyrics:

``Simply because you can breathe

Doesn't mean you`re alive

Or that you really live.``

I like the rest of the song, don`t get me wrong, but those lyrics have stuck in my head for my many years of being a Rise Against fan because they speak to me. Yeah, yeah, I know you`re probably imagining me sitting around a camp-fire with a guitar and a tattoo on my wrist that says `John & Yoko 4Ever`, but these lyrics are some of the only words that have stuck so close to me over the years.

I guess it`s fitting as to where I am right now; I'm in a profound transition - a deep metamorphosis - that I cannot control. I've let my inner fire goddess start calling some of the shots and she just goes with no filters, but she gets me what we want: a resolution. It`s hard, and I get in trouble for it... plus my sarcastic side sometimes drowns out the magic of my fire goddess making me seem plain bitchy. Like I said - a transition.

The hardest part about this transition is that I feel as if I am bursting from the seams with life and I'm ready to live. I'm making headway, but, for me, living means getting out there and experiencing the wo

rld beyond money and materials goods and status quos and hypocrisy (though I'll never escape hypocrisy). Calgarians are preoccupied with material goods and money and status - it's sickening. Bigger is better here, unfortunately. Bigger can be better (get your head out of the gutter), but when we're taking about creating unnecessary competition or elitism we're actually setting ourselves back rather than forward. I am lucky to have nice things, I am lucky to be able to have money, but I am starting to transition out of placing such great importance on material goods, status, or money. I just don't care.

This may also stem from my work with Eyes Wide Open Life - through working with this dynamic group of entrepreneurs, I have created in myself a kick-ass entrepreneur building my business around my heart. 

I LOVE to write and, after years of the same old question: "What are you really going to do with an English degree?" and responding: "I don't know"... I'm now saying: "Watch me."

And that's what working for profit is all about, right? You're supposed to enjoy yourself and then be rewarded for it. 

Ah, yes... I hear the laughter and the jeers. And my fire goddess asks: "Why devote yourself to something for life if it does not give you pleasure, enjoyment, and reward in some way?"

Good question! And why do we work in jobs that we hate? Because we are ruled by money, material goods, and status. It's a cyclical thing, and it sucks.

I have no immediate solution to this. I can only follow my heart through this transition and metamorphosis and trust that it will lead me in the right direction and help me to feel even more alive every day.

Namaste, All!

Metamorphosis

Does anybody else do their best thinking in the shower? I swear it's not just me that solves problems and brainstorms solutions and gets crazy awesome ideas while the water is pouring down from that heavenly shower head. 

Tonight I got into the shower late - around 12:30am - and started thinking about time management and my work habits after a long day (yes, even those of us who work from home have long work days). See, I have a consulting company in which I write creative and business copy, along with providing other services like customer inbox support and social media content creation and management. I work for some incredible, incredible people (and companies) and I truly feel like I'm doing what I LOVE! But, I'm also a full time university student taking much too long to complete my degree, so the time management skill is something I'll admit I severely lack.

This can be a problem and it stresses me out; I know I can do the work, and I know I can do it well, but why am I not DOING IT?!?

We've all been there.

It was during my shower that I started thinking about it: how can I better manage my time? Just one simple thought that inspired a veritable brain stew of juicy personal insights and, ultimately, a metamorphosis. 

So... what's the big deal? Well, I have grown up with the notion that I was a doormat - a person that could not do anything right and was basically walked on by everyone. I was bullied... a lot. I was taunted and teased and I put on the victim hat and wore it very convincingly... I ALLOWED myself to be walked all over by playing the part of what we'll call a "lost girl". I lied to make myself look better and build myself up, and purposely put myself in situations that were just not a good place to be. I did it to myself but I don't regret it... not one bit. Sure, I made SO many mistakes, but learning, growing, and moving on from who I used to be shaped who I am today. I shed that skin and, now, I kinda like me. I kinda like me a lot. 

So, what does this have to do with time management? Well, I realized that my aversion to DOING stemmed from my attitude about myself: the doormat mentality. I will apologize and take on burdens that either are not mine to take on, or simply do not exist. I tend to make a big deal out of nothing and then beat myself to a pulp for doing something wrong or going at a pace that I think that others probably think is too slowly. This makes me not even want to do anything (and may explain why I sleep so much - it's not cause I'm tired, it's cause I'm a professional avoider! I kid, I kid) and, thus, has caused me to have poor time management skills. But this is NOT an excuse... nooo sir. This is an epiphany - a revelation if you will. This may seem like something totally obvious to you, but for me it is going to change everything. 

I am remarkably privileged to work for Eyes Wide Open Life and be a part of the brilliant EWO Collective. I used to think that being surrounded by strong-willed, tenacious women would overwhelm me and squash my voice and personality, so I avoided these women in both my personal and work lives. Boy, was I wrong! I am surrounded by some of the most strong-willed, smart, tenacious, GENIUS women in both aspects of my life and I am thriving! 

These women truly know how to embrace their feminine and have introduced me to a type of sisterhood I thought only existed within the relationship I have with my best friends and actual sister, and I am eternally grateful for it. They nurture and incubate my strengths and voice, and don't blame me, judge, or berate me because of my weaknesses, and I strive to emulate them and study their practices and ideas. They inspire me so whole-heartedly and I have, once again, shed a skin that has become too heavy and worn. 

Because of this inspiration, my lifestyle has changed for the better. I am more outspoken and upfront with what I want and I understand now what my path is and that it can change... and to embrace that change and where it may take me. I do yoga every morning I can with my amazing cousin and her love (check out their FREE yoga program here) and I have more clarity now than I feel I ever have. Sweet, sweet clarity. 

I was watching a webinar that featured some of the on-fire business priestesses I work with at Eyes Wife Open Life: Amrita Khalsa, Kiva Leatherman, and Anne Perry (watch it here - you'll be more than glad you did). They were talking about time management and stopping the overwhelm, and one key idea really stuck out and resonated with me: it's about taking time for yourself, too! 

This seemingly simple idea is, of course, easier said than done, but it is possible and it is REWARDING! Giving yourself some freedom and taking the time to focus on yourself gives you breathing room and energy to get to work when the time comes. 

So now, I'm changing again. I'm shedding the old, tired, worn out skin that was saturated with overwhelm because of mismanaged time and not enough inner peace and dialogue. 

I'm not saying, "I can't do it" anymore; I'm replacing it with "I'm going to get it done" and I'm confident that I will do it. 

Can't wait to see what my next shower brainstorming sesh brings me! Tell me how you make the most of your time in the comments below and what you do to relax. 

Did You Know?

Cleanse Your Mind

The most prominent diet or health phenomena going on today is that of the "cleanse". People are cleansing by means of the Paleo Diet, the 'Clean Eating' (ie. no sugar) diet, the GLUTEN AND DAIRY FREE DIET (yay!) and also 'juicing' (NOT steroids, but consuming fresh juice from fruits and veggies - watch the documentary about it here). These are all awesome, and we all know that it takes a healthy body to have a healthy mind... but are we putting enough emphasis on the mind part of this equation?

We have to remember that we need to cleanse our minds, too! To often we focus on achieving optimal bodily health (the societal expectation of the "perfect body") and not enough on making sure our minds achieve optimal health.

To do so, we should focus on happiness and peace; what achieves this for us? Is it dancing to our favourite song or spending time with those we love the most? We could enjoy a massage, or a day out with our friends. I often "detox" my mind by listening to my music, or having a drink with a friend! Tom and I also talk about how we are feeling, and relay our ideas off of each other - even planning for the future relaxes my mind and creates a cleansing sense of happiness that lasts!

This is then, of course, motivating to keep the other part of the equation - the body - in good health, too! We should always have the health and wellness of our mind as our top priority... and trust that the whole "healthy body" thing will come once we achieve clarity of our minds!

Namaste.

An Amazing Woman

Daily Dose Of... Zen

“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”- Thich Nhat Hanh

Namaste

The Brilliant Mind of Eckhart Tolle

"To end the misery that has afflicted the human condition for thousands of years, you have to start with yourself and take responsibility for you inner state at any given moment. That means now." 

- Eckhart Tolle

Namaste.

Daily Dose of... Buddha

These past two days seem to be on the theme of weightloss, and I'd like to continue the motivation! The hardest thing for me is waiting - I need to train myself to have more patience!! We all need to promote patience within ourselves; we need to remember that things do not happen overnight, or at the snap of our fingers. This seemingly simple quote from The Buddha helps to remind us of this.

"A jug fills drop by drop." - The Buddha

Namaste.

Getting Active In Alberta

It's shoulder season for Alberta hikers, and while the snow is still deep, the trails are marked and ready for your boot-clad hiking feet! Such was the case when Tom and I visited the Baldy Pass trail this past Saturday with our energetic and surprisingly awesome hiker dog! I've posted some pics below; what an awesome day to enjoy the incredible beauty that our Earth has given us! We felt incredibly fortunate.

 

Here's a quick-fix for beginners from beginners: If you can, buy a Day-Hiker backpack (specifically) - Atmosphere, MEC, and other outdoor stores will have them marked. They may have male/female varieties for weight displacement, but the big difference between a day-pack and a backpack one might use for school is the rigid back. If you don't have time or funds to acquire a day-hiker pack, a quick-fix (keep in mind this won't work for long-term) is to take a cutting board and place it against the back of your pack. This will mimic the rigid back of a day-hiker pack, and will save your back 

from getting overly sore like a soft-back school pack would.

Something To Think About This Wednesday...

When facing a situation with a difficult person, we must remember that people's behaviour is, more often that not, about them... and not about ourselves. We have to learn not to take it personally; when we do take it personally, we involve ourselves in their behaviour and that is when conflict arises.

I am learning very slowly to not take others' negative attitudes or behavours personally... especially working in a customer-oriented position, I am learning to not take things like this to heart, especially when I know that I have done my job to the best of my ability and always maintained that I want to put them first. 

Such as an incident that happened today: we had to call a gentleman and cancel an appointment due to an incident that had taken place on a job site. The timing and the incident, of course, is out of our control; when I worked in catering, we called such things an "Forces of God" that the owner needs to attend to to ensure that his or her employees and clientele are safe.

Anyways, this gentleman saw this as an inconvenience to him. He had left work early on a Friday to meet for this cancellation. Now, I get it; people are busy! People have work and, when they take time off, they lose money and that is certainly upsetting. This gentleman also stated that it would be better for him if I had called at 1pm, instead of calling immediately after the incident was reported at 2:45pm. He then proceeded to tell me that he was "busy like anybody else" and his "time was too valuable to waste" and hung up on me. All the while, I did my job; maintaining that I wanted to find a solution for him, apologetic, but also assuming an air of compassion in hopes that he would return the same to me during an unfortunate, surprise incident.

People put so much value on their time, how stressed they are, and (especially, but of course not limited to) their jobs without realizing that I am also making a livelihood- I am also working and my main source of income and happiness comes from providing the absolute best service that I can give to my clients. The last thing that I would like to happen is to be unhappy in my position; and that can (may also stem from other things - I love my job, by the way! :) ) happen when the company's clients are unhappy. I am the first point of contact, and I do my best to ensure the proper service is met and that I achieve my goal of making whomever I am speaking with satisfied.

Granted, not all customer service individuals are in this attitude... but I would be surprised if not one worker at a company was not committed to providing the best client experience that they can and doing their job right.

We must learn to focus on the positive, and not the negative. If you have not worked as that exact position, then do not assume an arrogant position; you should know that jobs are not easy! Whether you be a stay at home mom or dad, a high-ranking oil executive, a cashier, or even a doctor, you know that having a job is not easy and that you are doing your job to your best ability. Do not place so much value on your time or your day as to think yourself higher than anyone else - if you are not enjoying yourself, do say so, but do not insult the integrity of the worker you are speaking with. It is a finite balance, like everything else in this life, that we live, speak and breathe compassion, understanding and patience. This takes practice! But it must always take precedence.

This is how we breed conflict resolution; a good thing. I am taking this into my life and practicing to do it to the best of my ability. Once you have successful conflict resolution, you become less afraid of conflict- you don't give it value.

My suggestion for this gentleman, if I had been so bold, would be the same logic I try to apply to a traffic jam: you're in a comfortable place with things to do. Yes, it may be a stressful situation, but in the time that you worry, swear, and brew over it, you could have caused your blood pressure to lower; dancing to music, singing to music, talking to yourself (figuring out what the entire list of numbers in the pi equation is, for example). It is all what you make of it, so let's commit ourselves to giving more value to compassion and genuine enjoyment instead of stress and time.

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” - Socrates

Namaste.

 

What An Amazing World We Live In

So often we hear people complain about how "stupid" or "soft" children these days are. This kid is a shining beacon of light and he has wisdom way beyond his years!

What an amazing human being!

Daily Dose of... Dhammapada

"As many kinds of wreaths can be made from a heap of flowers, so many good things may be achieved by a mortal when once he is born."

- From The Dhammapada

Namaste. 

Daily Dose of... Buddha

"He who always greets and constantly reveres the aged, four things will increase to him: life, beauty, happiness, power."

- The Buddha

Namaste 

Respect your elders

Your Daily Dose of... Buddha

"For hatred does not cease by hatred at any time: hatred ceases by love - this is an old rule."

- The Buddha

From the Dhammapada

 

Namaste.

A Constant Heart...

"When the mind stops striving, the world's not a problem. A constant heart won't waver from the truth."

- Hsieh Ling-yun

Namaste.

Living and Listening Zen!

"Pursue not the outer entanglements, dwell not in the inner void; be serene in the oneness of things, and dualism vanishes by itself."

-Seng-ts'an

 

Pet of The Week!

Image courtesy of Shannon J.

I guess I wouldn't describe horses as pets per se, since they become more like a friend and confidant than a pet....

"Can you ever really own a horse?" - Jeff Winger, Community

My sister and mother have horses: my sister's horse Ricky Bobbie and my mother's horse Gucci. Both horses have provided them with a sense of healing, love, learning, and... of course... exercise!

Below, my mother has submitted a picture and excerpt about her horse, Gucci. My mother grew up on a farm in rural Alberta, and has had horses since she was little, so when she got Gucci, it brought back memories - especially about her Dad, who unfortunately passed away before I was born (the man was born in 1899!)

Image courtesy of Shannon J.

"She's good karma for me; she makes me calm - sticking to one thing at a time - and she teaches me more than I teach her. It feels so good to have a horse again, especially in such a beautiful part of the country and at such an awesome stable with awesome people; I have new members of my family out there.
Her stable name is 'Gucci', but her registered name is 'Only If You Ask.'
My husband really encouraged me to get a horse; I never thought I'd have one again! I'm so grateful that he did- I didn't realize how much I missed it until I had a horse again. It was my childhood passion, and I am so grateful that my husband encouraged me to go for it!"
- Shannon J

Let's Talk About... Fear

Many people have different theories about fear, but I find that the kind of universal "umbrella" theory about fear is that we are afraid of the unknown. I believe that this is true, as it applies to people who are scared of something like the spirit world - we can't really know until we die and, possibly, become part of the afterlife... thus, people are afraid because they don't know.

Or, like me, people are afraid of having no control. This is something that I work on continuously through my meditation and reflection - not being afraid that I will lose control of... well, anything! 

I now see it like this: We allow fear to have it's way with us. We allow fear to become debilitating, and we allow ourselves to become terrified. While some situations are admittedly terrifying, we can learn to take control and reel ourselves in. I'm not saying to say anything like, "Ghosts don't exist, ghost don't exist," but reciting a mantra of sorts to help us through: "I am in control of this situation. I am in control of my fear. I am scared, but I will not let it overtake my focus."

 Fear manifests from a deeper issue, kind of like my fear that zombies are actually real and are going to attack me. Totally silly, right? Totally! But, even though that I know this, I sometimes still have a difficult time getting to sleep since I feel the need to keep one eye open in case something decides to start snacking on my ankle. However, upon reflection, I realized that I know that zombies aren't real... but my underlying fear is that the world will end and that I will not be able to live and achieve what I want to achieve; live what I so want to live! I don't have control whether or not the world ends, but here I am, losing sleep over it. So, my solution is to live each day to the best of my ability, so that when I go to bed at night, I'm satisfied about my day and I can say that (even in the one in a trillion chance that the dead do rise) I am satisfied. Thus, I have ended my desire and this has ended my suffering. I have not mastered this and I don't expect that I will completely maybe for the rest of my life... but I am learning constantly to let go, end my desire and suffering, and not allow fear to overtake me. Don't take this as me saying, "You must have no fear!" Okay, people, this isn't Jedi training camp where I'm going to tell you that you must not have any emotions; sometimes it's fun to have fear and scare yourself! I'm saying that we should make a real effort to not let fear define us.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

- The Buddha

Namaste. 

Daily Dose of... Buddha

“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?”

-The Buddha

Namaste. 

Why Not... Write It Down?

Many people don't journal; either they feel that they have no time to, they don't have anything to write in, or (the worst excuse!) they 'don't know how to!
It's not that hard; you can keep a journal on your computer, on blank sheets of paper, a notebook- there are so many mediums that one can use for a journal!
I like to journal because, if I'm having an issue or I just have a thought in my head that I know is ridiculous but I can't stop thinking about it, I journal! That way, it becomes an outlet for me and, later I can go back and read through what was bothering me and see if it still makes sense when I read it!
Often, it doesn't. So, I learn something, and I get to improve myself, too!
It can also help you as a kind of way to "let go" of the past, or even if something in your future is worrying you! Let your pen help you to let go of your worries!

If you meditate, it is recommended that you keep a journal about what you may feel, see, etc. during a sit down of meditation. I think that everyone can benefit from journal-ing!
So, challenge yourself this week; make the effort to journal every day and see if it can help make a difference in your life, too!

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
- The Buddha