Rise Against has this song called Black Masks And Gasoline with the lyrics:
``Simply because you can breathe
Doesn't mean you`re alive
Or that you really live.``
I like the rest of the song, don`t get me wrong, but those lyrics have stuck in my head for my many years of being a Rise Against fan because they speak to me. Yeah, yeah, I know you`re probably imagining me sitting around a camp-fire with a guitar and a tattoo on my wrist that says `John & Yoko 4Ever`, but these lyrics are some of the only words that have stuck so close to me over the years.
I guess it`s fitting as to where I am right now; I'm in a profound transition - a deep metamorphosis - that I cannot control. I've let my inner fire goddess start calling some of the shots and she just goes with no filters, but she gets me what we want: a resolution. It`s hard, and I get in trouble for it... plus my sarcastic side sometimes drowns out the magic of my fire goddess making me seem plain bitchy. Like I said - a transition.
The hardest part about this transition is that I feel as if I am bursting from the seams with life and I'm ready to live. I'm making headway, but, for me, living means getting out there and experiencing the world beyond money and materials goods and status quos and hypocrisy (though I'll never escape hypocrisy). Calgarians are preoccupied with material goods and money and status - it's sickening. Bigger is better here, unfortunately. Bigger can be better (get your head out of the gutter), but when we're taking about creating unnecessary competition or elitism we're actually setting ourselves back rather than forward. I am lucky to have nice things, I am lucky to be able to have money, but I am starting to transition out of placing such great importance on material goods, status, or money. I just don't care.
This may also stem from my work with Eyes Wide Open Life - through working with this dynamic group of entrepreneurs, I have created in myself a kick-ass entrepreneur building my business around my heart.
I LOVE to write and, after years of the same old question: "What are you really going to do with an English degree?" and responding: "I don't know"... I'm now saying: "Watch me."
And that's what working for profit is all about, right? You're supposed to enjoy yourself and then be rewarded for it.
Ah, yes... I hear the laughter and the jeers. And my fire goddess asks: "Why devote yourself to something for life if it does not give you pleasure, enjoyment, and reward in some way?"
Good question! And why do we work in jobs that we hate? Because we are ruled by money, material goods, and status. It's a cyclical thing, and it sucks.
I have no immediate solution to this. I can only follow my heart through this transition and metamorphosis and trust that it will lead me in the right direction and help me to feel even more alive every day.